(How) Kindness & Compassion Will Absolutely Change Your Life! Episode 4 Pt. 2

In part 2 of Kindness this week, I discuss how kindness and compassion changed my life and the lives of everyone I encountered. It can absolutely change your life too! There is a reason God calls us to be kind.

Transcript

“It’s the Salt for me”

Podcast Episode 4, Pt. 2

Just. Be. Kind. (How) It Might Literally Change Your Life

Hey! Welcome to Episode 4, Pt. 02 of “It’s the Salt for me, brought to you by The Salty Christian.” I’m your host, Marie. I invite you to subscribe, share and comment. We have new episodes every Thursday!

Last week I talked about my thoughts on kindness. I was going to practice being kinder. Be it by words or deeds. I was going to compliment people, lift people up, and basically treat people how I want to be treated – even if I felt like they didn’t deserve it. 

I also spoke about a couple of (well, one person) that I was especially mean to way back in elementary school. So, before I let you know how my week went, I want to tell you what happened years (and I mean when we were grown in our 20s years) when I ran into homegirl. 

I had made an appointment at the beauty shop. A new place, walking distance from where I lived at the time that I was going to try out. I got there on time for my appointment. The beautician had a chair right near the front door, so she obviously saw me the second I came through. She smiled and said hi and motioned for me to come sit. I did. There was a couple of chairs in front of the window. I saw someone in the corner of my eye when I first walked in but didn’t really pay attention. So, I sat in the chair, and she got everything ready for my perm. She and the girl in one of the chairs were talking and laughing back and forth. I sat quietly, listening. After she finished the perm, she rinsed it out and started blow drying my hair. When she was done, she started combing it before she was going to curl it. She put the comb down and started running her fingers through my hair. She started telling her friend in the chair oh my god, look how silky her hair is and I haven’t even done anything, but blow dry it. Isn’t it pretty she asked her friend as she turned the chair around for her friend to see the front too. I looked at her friend for the first time and let me tell you. IF LOOKS COULD KILL. I WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! Homegirl looked at me, bit her lip and I’m surprised her eyes didn’t get stuck in the back of her head she rolled them so hard! My stomach knotted up quick. All I was thinking was aww, crap, I’m grown with kids and getting ready to have square up. 

She ended up saying nothing. Not a word.   She put her head down and kept looking at the magazine she had in her hand. My hairdresser turned my seat around and told me how beautiful my hair was and commenced to curling it. After I was done, I thanked her and left. I was going to say bye to homegirl but she kept her head down and didn’t ever look my way so I just left. 

It was awkward at best. What’s funny is that I left there thinking she showed me a kindness that I didn’t show her. I mean, yes, she rolled her eyes, but she could have cursed me out. Said all kinds of craziness to me. Wanted to fight me, but she didn’t.  Or, maybe she was afraid of what might have come out of my mouth. Again. I wondered if it brought up bad memories for her. If she felt sad, mad, or hate when she saw me. I felt so bad. It brought up bad memories for me. I felt sad, mad, and anger at myself. I had to look someone in the eye who I had been so mean to so many years ago. It didn’t feel good. 

She looked great! The glow up was real! The more I think about it though, she was always a pretty girl, she was just mean. Maybe that made her seem less attractive. I don’t know. All I know is that I always regretted not trying to talk to her that day. Not apologizing for being so mean to her. For not showing her the kindness, she just showed me. 

So, fast forward a few years later. My sister had this friend she was telling me about. The more she was saying the more familiar this friend seemed. I asked her if she had any sisters. She did! And, guess what?! Yes, it was homegirl! I couldn’t believe it! You know what’s even funnier? I told my sister how mean that girl was in elementary school, and my sister goes, oh, yeah, so and so said she always been mean to everybody and she still is!

What the what?! 

So here I am thinking she showed me a kindness when in all reality she just rolled her eyes at me cause she still mean?! She probably wanted to give me a beat down but didn’t wanna do time! 

I must admit, that made me feel better at that moment, but I still feel bad for being mean to her. Maybe I contributed to her having a lifetime of evil in her. Maybe had I been more kind, she would have softened. I’ll never know but I’ll always wish her the best. 

So, this week, I practiced being Christmas kind. I complimented people more than usual. It was going well until I went to the pharmacy one day. My daughter asked me to pick up some medication for her. She had gone up to pick it up and they told her it would be another 25 minutes. So, she called and asked me if I could stop by and pick it up on my way home. Of course, no problem. I was with my husband and I asked him to stop  at the store so we could get her medication.  I went to the pharmacy while he was shopping around. I stood in line for about 10 minutes. When I got to the front of the line, the girl asked me if I was picking up. I said yes, she asked for the date of birth. I told her and gave her the last name. She was looking in the system and said, “oh, we’re still working on it…it probably won’t be ready until tomorrow.” I was heated. Not a few minutes, not by closing. Tomorrow. It wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow. If that was the case, why did you say it was going to be ready in 25 minutes over an hour ago?! I said, “well, my daughters not feeling well and really needs her medication. This isn’t going to work.” She told me to wait a minute while she talked to the pharmacist. When she came back, she said the pharmacist told her I could pick it up in an hour. I rolled my eyes, turned around and walked away mumbling at how ridiculous this is. I could feel the fire burning inside of me. 

I went and found my husband and told him what they said. Then I looked up, closed my eyes, and put my hand in the air, and said, you know what, I’m sorry God. I’m sorry that I wasn’t more kind to that girl. It wasn’t her fault. I give it to you and I will try and do better. My husband knew I was mad. He said, “stay here and let me go and talk to them.” I don’t know what he said, but the pharmacist told him he was sorry and would get it ready in just a few minutes. I went back over when I saw my husband sit down. I asked him why he was sitting down and what happened and he told me they were really busy and that both pharmacy techs called out sick and they were backed up but that the pharmacist was going to get her medicine ready. At first (in my mind) I was like, why they do it for you and not me? Then I was like, I’m sorry God, I know I promised to do better. Please forgive my thoughts. 

I sat down with my husband waiting. There was a man who had put in his prescription and was told it would be tomorrow too. He asked to have his prescription moved to another pharmacy because he couldn’t wait either. He didn’t seem upset. He just left to go to another pharmacy. The line was backing up down the aisle by this time when the pharmacist called our name and motioned for my husband to come to the register. He paid and I heard the pharmacist apologize for the wait. My husband thanked him and told him no problem. Now, a few things. First, I wondered where my husband was because normally, I’m the one trying to calm him down, and two, why did I feel like I was more important than all of these other people who also needed medication and clearly weren’t going to get it that night? And, three, why did that upset me to the point where I felt like I had the right to be unkind to someone? 

I know you can catch more bees with honey and I really am a good person. I think I felt wronged in some way and old habits die hard. Being kind all the time is really a lot of work. It’s hard. I really have to be more aware of the way things make me feel before I respond. I also must be more mindful of what I am going to say before I say it. Trying to put myself in someone else’s shoes or thinking about how I would want to be treated.  Luckily this happened earlier in the week, so I still had time to keep practicing Christmas kindness. 

My questions for this week were:

#1:

1.      Does being kind mean I just have to let people walk all over me?

                                                              i.      While the Bible tell us to “turn the other cheek” or “love your enemies,” I  don’t think that it’s telling us to just let people treat us any kind of way. 

                                                             ii.      Proverbs 13:20 says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” This is a warning to us to watch out who we keep company with. In my opinion, we shouldn’t even be entertaining people that would walk all over us. While we are called to be kind, we don’t have to be naïve. Yes, we can pray for them but have enough wisdom to keep your distance from people who would think so little of you that they can use you and walk all over you. 

My 2nd question was:

2.      What do I do when I feel like I’m being weak if I allow someone to get away with being unkind to me?

a.      Take a deep breath. That’s what I did after the whole pharmacy fiasco. I started to take a deep breath when my feelings would have me ready to respond to someone in a negative manner. I would simply say Jesus forgive my thoughts and help me with my words. Doing that allowed me the couple of seconds I needed to rethink my words and it actually worked.  And if I still felt some type of way, I removed myself from the situation which proves that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. 

My 3rd question was: 

3.       Do I still have to be kind when the person just has a mean spirit toward everyone? Or will God let that one go?

a.      All I can do is reiterate Matthew 5:44 which says, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

                                                              i.      I have prayed for people who have wronged me on several occasions because that is what God has called us to do. I feel like sometimes I mean it and sometimes I’m just giving lip service so God will know I am trying. I have also been more kind this week to people who normally irritate my spirit. It’s hard. No, I don’t think God is just going to let us be mean because someone has a mean spirit toward everyone. I think that these are the people who need our prayers the most. 

So, like I said, this past week, I practiced being kinder. Be it by words or deeds. I complimented people, tried to lift them up, and basically treat them how I want to be treated – even if I felt they didn’t deserve it. I gave them what I like to call Christmas kindness in October. 

I found out that being kind is hard but the more you practice, the easier it gets. After the pharmacy incident things turned around for me. I had a whole new outlook on how I was going to handle myself. Wherever I went I found at least one person to compliment. When I complimented them, their eyes would light up and they would smile and say, “thank you.” I think they were genuinely thankful for the compliment. It was like I somehow helped make their day better. Wherever I went, I went in looking to see if I could offer Christmas kindness to someone. I smiled at people a lot, offered help if I could, held open doors. It was nice. It was as if people started to feel my energy, and in return, they seemed to be more kind to me. I got a few compliments, someone let me over in traffic, held a door or two for me. It made me feel really good. Like there are good people still left in this world. We just have to reach out and let people know that they have worth. People are beautiful gifts from God and we need to treat each other as such. 

We don’t know what people are going through or how they are feeling. I think a lot of people wear a mask. A lot of people are hurting and too proud to ask for help. There are times when I’ve seen people – complete strangers that look really happy, but their eyes tell a different story. They have sad eyes. When I am thinking about it, I always ask God to let them feel His spirit so they know they are not alone. Sometimes I want to tell them I’ll be praying for them but I figure most people want you to mind your business, so I say nothing. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we should be reaching out to people offering an ear to listen or shoulder to cry on when our intuition tells us to. If they decline, at least they know someone in this world cared. Isn’t that one of the kindest things we could do?  

I’ve decided to carry on with Christmas kindness. I am going to be more mindful of people and their feelings. I’m going to reach out when I can and try to be a blessing to others. I think you should too. I think we all should. One way to think about it is this. I will always help someone in need if they ask me and I have it to give. This mostly happens with people I run into on the streets who are homeless. I will give them money, or buy them a meal, or sometimes, both. Every time. You see, I’ve always felt that you never know who you are helping. Sometimes I think God may have put them there to see how much compassion I have. To see how kind I can be. This is a test I have never failed. This world could use some kindness and who knows, it might just turn someone’s eyes to the Lord. 

Does being kind change your life? Absolutely.

So Just. Be. Kind.  

I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode. If you went on this journey with me, please reach out and leave a comment on how it worked out for you and if you plan to continue on with Christmas kindness.  

I again invite you to subscribe, share and comment.

I’ll catch you on the next episode of “It’s the Salt for Me.” Until then, be blessed and be a blessing.