Just. Be. Kind. It will literally change your life

In the spirit of Christmas, I am re-posting this episode from Season 1 where I discuss Kindness (there is no better feeling) and how it might just change your life! 

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“It’s the Salt for me”

Podcast Episode 4, Pt. 1

Just. Be. Kind. (How) It Might Literally Change Your Life

Hey! Welcome to Episode 4, Pt. 01 of “It’s the Salt for me, brought to you by The Salty Christian.” I’m your host, Marie. I invite you to subscribe, share and comment. We have new episodes every Thursday!

This week I want to talk about kindness. Can you imagine a world where everyone is kind to one another? Helped each other? Lifted others up? I can’t, and how sad is that? I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately. Thinking how disappointed God must be in so many people in this world. I like to think that most people in the world are kind. Kind all the time? Probably not. I think I’m generally kind to other people – when they are kind to me, but there are times when things have come out of my mouth that had no business coming out. Or, I did something I shouldn’t have because I felt some type of way about how I was treated. I’ve been trying to correct that more and more every day. I’m finding out that being kind all the time is really hard work because, let’s be honest, people can be so annoying! Someone does something or says something out of line and you know, my momma ain’t raise no punk. But why not just walk away? Why not say something like, “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. I’ll keep you in my prayers.” Instead, there’s like this fire that swells up inside of me…especially if I just walk away. For hours afterward I will think about what I should’ve said or what I’m gonna say or how I’m gonna act the next time I see them. You ever do that? Plan out what you’re gonna say or how you’re gonna act. Play it all out in your head, acting like you know what their gonna say back and how they’re gonna act? 

When I decided that I wanted to do an episode on kindness, I almost immediately thought back to when I was in elementary school. Truth be told, I think about it often. There was this girl…well, there were a couple of girls, but one that I was so mean to. More mean to than the other girl. We are talking 50 years ago, and I can remember her name, what she looked like, the faces she made, and every mean thing I ever said to that girl. I would tell you what I said, but honestly, it’s the most and I am embarrassed that I treated somebody like that. Thinking back though, I realized that I wasn’t mean to her for no reason. She was probably the meanest girl I had ever met in my life at that point. She was mean to everybody – although that really didn’t give me the right to say the things I said. I’m also not sure why, at such a young age, I thought it was ok for me to say stuff like that. I don’t even know where I learned to talk that way! I think about her because I know the things I said to her must’ve made her feel so worthless and ugly and helpless. I can’t even imagine the damage I did to her self-esteem. How those words may have affected her life in some horrible way. I wondered if I made her even more mean or lose faith in humanity. If she thought everyone thought of her the way I said they did. I had no compassion for her. There was no kindness. Maybe she just needed a friend. Someone to be kind to her. Maybe she was going through something at home that no one knew about. I wish I had had the ability to think this way back then. I’ve always hoped that she ended up having a great life. A lot of friends. A loving family. Peace. I often wonder if she ever thinks about it. I wish I could go back in time and change the way, not only I, but the way everyone treated her. See, that’s the thing about being a kid. Your mind isn’t developed enough to understand the harm you can do to someone with only your words. I’ve tried to raise my kids to be kind to others and for the most part, they are. My parents never knew how I treated that little girl. Her parents never came to the school or my house (like I would have if it were my kids) to see what’s up. Cause if that happened to my kids (and I knew about it), me and the parents were gone square up. 

Maybe her parents didn’t know. Maybe she couldn’t talk to her parents. Maybe she suffered in silence. Maybe she still suffers. I know I do.

So, the other girl I mentioned that I was unkind to, I guess to this day that I don’t feel as bad as I should. She was the stinky girl in class. The girl that peed in her chair. The overweight girl. I was a little mean, but I actually had a lot of compassion for her. I tried to befriend her. I invited her to birthday parties. She lived down the street from me and I really did try to be her friend…when nobody else was available. HAHA! 

Before I go any further, I just want to state for the record that, “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is about one of the most ignorant phrases I think I’ve ever heard in my life! There have been times in my life where I would have gladly had a broken bone over some harsh words that were said to me. And the thing about words is that they can’t be taken back. Sure, you can say I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean it, but you know deep down that those words really come from a dark place and, in my opinion, hold some truth. It may not all be true, but you know what you’ve kept silent about. What’s been building up inside of you but you’ve tucked away because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. 

Anyway…I guess it all fell apart when we were in junior high. I would stop by her house from time to time to say hi and hang out cause I knew she didn’t have any friends. She was white and she had 3 or 4 brothers and sisters. One of which was an adopted black boy. So, I went over her house one day and we were in her room hanging out. Her brother (the adopted black boy) came in the room and was teasing us. I thought he was funny. He wasn’t saying anything out of line, he was just being a funny kid. Well, the next thing I knew, she was fire red, chasing him down the stairs, screaming at the top of her lungs, you f&(&! Niggerrrrr!  You f&(*&(* Niggrerrr!

I understood at that moment why she had no friends. I felt so bad for that boy and what he must be subjected to on the daily cause everyone was home, but nobody said anything. Mind you, she’s yelling that out not taking into account that the only person who is trying to befriend her is a little black girl. In that moment, I wanted to scream back at her. “Hey fatty, I’m standing here too. Why are you saying that word?!” “And, by the way, you stink!”” I didn’t. I left her house that day like we had never met. She didn’t deserve to have any friends as far as I was concerned.  The sad part is that I still just really don’t feel bad for being unkind to her at times. I feel bad for her brother. I often wonder how he turned out. If he still has ties with the family. 

Speaking of family, the more I thought about kindness the more I thought about my own family. You know, I hate to admit it, but I have been more kind to complete strangers than I have to the people I love and care for the most. Why is it that that seems ok? Is it because we know these people are family and will be forever so we can treat them any type of way? I mean, I would lay down my life for any of them so why aren’t we more kind to each other? Now, I will say that as far as family is concerned, I can say anything I want but don’t let nobody on the outside test where my loyalty lies cause its going down if you talk mess about anybody in my family. I think that was sort of an unwritten rule. I may not like you at the moment and talk about you, but I, for sure, ain’t gonna let nobody do it. 

Now, I’ve had a friend for 50 years. She is my dawg, my sister, my ride or die. I don’t think we’ve ever had words. We respect each other, lift each other up, are there for each other no matter what kind of foolishness we get up to. She is the kindest person I know. And everyone that knows her knows it. I think it is something that is just in her. Something I’ve always admired about her.  

So, how can I be kinder? More compassionate? For most of my life, I have treated people with respect, kindness and compassion unless they had it coming. I guess that’s where I am falling short. I need to learn to treat people, regardless of whether they’ve got it coming or not, with kindness. 

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” 

This tells me that God forgives us of our sins, the very least we can do is be kind and forgiving to others.  Even if it’s hard to do. Sometimes I feel like God is asking me to be a punk. Just forgive people, let it go. It doesn’t matter what they say or do. Be the bigger person. And you know what? It’s hard being the bigger person. I feel like they know they got over and that just can’t be. 

Galatians 5:22-23 says “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 [a]gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

When we are filled with the fruit of the Spirit, kindness is fruit that makes us compassionate, allows us to show mercy and be considerate of others. We must be this way to everyone, not only the people who are treating us well. 

There must be a reason that God calls us to do this and I am determined to figure out that reason. 

My questions for this week are:

#1:

1.      Does being kind mean I just have to let people walk all over me?

a.      Matthew 5:39 reads, “But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 

                                                        i.      I kind of feel like this verse is an instruction on how to be a punk. I know in my heart of hearts that it isn’t but come on. What happened to an eye for an eye? Ok, I know that it only makes things worse when we go back and forth with someone and why do I really care if someone insults me or offends me when I know who I am? I really feel like it’s because of the way it makes me feel when I allow people to mistreat me. I’ve got my work cut out for me on this one. 

My 2nd question is:

2.      What do I do when I feel like I’m being weak if I allow someone to get away with being unkind to me?

a.      2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

                                                        i.      This is telling me that perhaps I should focus on God rather than my weakness because His grace is sufficient. When we are weak, God is strong. God’s strength is made perfect when we look to Him.

My 3rd question is: 

3.       Do I still have to be kind when the person just has a mean spirit toward everyone? Or will God let that one go?

a.      Matthew 5:44 says, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”

                                                        i.      Now, how in the name of all things Holy am I supposed to do that?! Ok, so I’ve actually been trying to do that as part of forgiving people. I’ve been praying over their lives and asking God to bless them. Let me tell you, it feels really uncomfortable and I feel like I’m just being fake and God knows I’m fake, so what? I mean part of me really means it and the other part of me wants to mean it so I’m not sure if this cancels out the whole thing. I guess I’ll have to keep this practice going with the hopes that one day, I will be more like God.

This week, I will be practicing being kinder. Be it by words or deeds. I will compliment people, lift people up, basically treat people how I want to be treated – even if I feel they don’t deserve it. I know God has shown me kindness and mercy when I surely didn’t deserve it. 

I also challenge anyone with young children to teach them about kindness and compassion this week. Talk to them about it but also lead by example. Show them how good it feels to be kind or do a good deed for others without expecting anything in return. Let them know how their words can really hurt someone and stick with them. But also let them know that sometimes other kids are hurting and that’s why they act the way they do. They need kindness. They need to know that they aren’t alone. They may need a friend and how befriending the nerdy kid or the kid who is just different could end up being one of the best friendships of their lives. Let them know that they should worry about being kind rather than popular. Let them know that kindness could save a life. 

You know the feeling at Christmastime when everyone seems so warm and kind and friendly and loving and giving? I’m going to try and treat people like that this week. Because imagine if everyone did this all year round? How good we would all feel all the time!  What a wonderful world this could be. 

What ever happened to random acts of kindness? Is that still a thing? I don’t hear about it as much anymore. Can we bring it back?  I don’t know about you but I know that when I am kind to people and help people and give to people, there is no better feeling in the world to me than that. So why not strive to be that way all the time? To have that feeling all the time. Not to brag about what I did for someone but for my own happiness and peace of mind knowing that I helped make someone’s life a little easier. And its not just about things that cost money. Kindness comes in all forms. A simple compliment can go a long way. A nice smile and “have a good day” could make someone’s day a little brighter. Hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to let you know your in my prayers. I’m always here if you need me. Let’s get together for that coffee. I’ve missed you. I may not say it often, but, I want you to know I love you. You mean a lot to me. 

All of these things and so many more can help play a part in bettering someone’s day or maybe even their life. We don’t always know what people are going through or when they need a kind word or gesture. Just. Be. Kind.  

I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode on kindness. I urge you to go on this journey with me. If you do, please reach out and leave a comment on how it worked out for you and I’ll let you know how it goes for me.  

I again invite you to subscribe, share and comment.

I’ll catch you on the next episode of “It’s the Salt for Me.” Until then, be blessed and be a blessing.