Mad at God? (Yes, God) How to forgive Him and Others! Episode 1, Pt. 1

This episode talks about forgiving God?! Wait, what?! Yes, you read that right! And, guess what? It's ok if you've been mad at God!

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Forgiving God when you salty being honest with God forgiving God after so much hurt asking God for forgiveness when you feel let down did God forget about me

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Hey everybody. Welcome to episode One of It's the salt for me, brought to you by the Salty Christian. I am your host, Marie. 
 

So, I wanted to give you a little back story for my first episode. I am at a place in my life right now where no matter what I seem to do, I can't get the relationship I once had with God Back to that point. 
 

You know, I wanted to start a podcast for a really long time about my journey, strengthening my relationship with God again. Yes, Again, <laugh> I say again, because you know, at one point in my life, several points in my life, God and I were tight. I mean really, really tight. We had the best relationship ever. 
 

I witnessed miracles. I saw all of his goodness. He was in the middle of everything I thought and did. And it was during those times I could see the world differently, you know, and he would speak to me, and I would listen, and I would do things that sounded really crazy to me at the moment, but he wouldn't let it go. And I would have to, I would just have to do what he was asking me to do. It would get to the point sometimes where it's like, okay, I will do it. Just hold on. And I would backtrack and go and do what he told me to do. 
 

I have pulled over into a church at one point and wrote them a cheque. And I had never stepped foot in that church before. And I walked in, and I said, God told me to give you this have a great day. And I wasn't, you know, I wasn't rich at the time. This was many years ago, you know, and I wasn't rich at the time. I'm still not rich, but you know, I'm rich with love. <Laugh> but you know, I just did it, he did things like that to me all the time wasn't necessarily monetary things, but it was just, he would have me doing things and wouldn't let it go until I did it. And it would annoy me so bad that I would just do it. 

 And we just had a really great relationship, and it was a really joyous time in my life. And you're probably wondering what happened. Well, hard times happened, you know, which led to me questioning God because of unanswered prayers, which eventually led to saltiness, maybe a combination of hard times and me not having a sense I was born with. I don't know. I guess he broke me. It's something when you pray for something for years on end and it feels like God is ignoring you. Like he doesn't hear you. I don't have time for you, you know, just deal with it, whatever. 

And it wasn't a selfish prayer. It wasn't necessarily for me. It was for someone I loved dearly, and I love dearly. And it was a prayer where I don't understand why God wouldn't have wanted to answer that prayer if that makes sense to you. 

And it's hard to see people you love suffering. It was very difficult. And after many years, you know, and actually going back, I look, and I know I probably interfered sometimes when I know I shouldn't have. But you know, sometimes you think you can do better than God. Sometimes you think that you know what's best and that, you know, if God's not going to get this done, well, I'm going to get it done. I'm not going to wait for God because I don't know what he's doing. He's somewhere doing something for somebody else that's not me. And I need to make this happen. So, you interfere, and you shouldn't, but being human, that's just kind of what you do. 

I'm not going to get into it all right now, but I was always able to get through the things that I was going through and turn back to God. And like I said before, this broke me, it shook my core. It just broke me. And I kind of think I'm still broken. Well, I know I'm still broken, but I haven't been able to get my relationship with God back to where it needs to be. I want to fix my relationship with God, but I'm salty at this point. I'm just salty. 

So, if I'm being honest, I got beat with God and I know I need to find my way back, but something this time feels different. I can't seem to do it and I don't only think I have beef with God. I guess as funny as it sounds, I think I have trust issues with God too, you know? And you can act like you all never been mad at or question God's goodness. But keep it real, you know, you have your line if you said you're not, if you haven't, you're all fake. 

But you know, we've all questioned God, I think at some point. I'm willing to admit it. You know, I know there's other people out there who have questioned God and his goodness, but I need to get my relationship back with God. I need to be right. Especially as I'm getting older. 

And I know you guys think I don't have no sense. Well, I'm right there with you. I mean, I know what God can do because I have witnessed his work. I have seen firsthand how different my life is when he is at the center. I try to read and study his word, pray, and give thanks, sing, you know, hallelujah. But there's still a part of me that thinks he doesn't hear me. And that he's not really interested in helping me. He ain't got no more time for me. I don't know. I do know that sometimes God's answer is no. Not that I agree with that. I mean, he's God, you know, you're crying out to God, crying the ugly cry <laugh> for years on end. I mean, why wouldn't he just help you or give you a piece about it, something, but don't just ignore me or make me feel like I'm not being heard. Because I think that hurt me even more. The whole thing just broke me. It broke me down. 

I still hurt; you know? I'm still angry. I feel like I'm not at peace. And I know that the only way I am going to find my peace and get my joy back is by fixing my relationship with God. Because at those times that my relationship was at its greatest with God. Those were the times that I was happiest in my life. No doubt about it. I mean, I was filled with joy. I was just happy. And I haven't been that way for a very long time. I think by God ignoring me so to speak. I don't know if that's what he really did. I don't know he's probably trying to teach me something. I don't know. But I think that just sucked the life out of my soul and I am broken <laugh>. So, I'm going to try and get this whole thing straightened out.

So here I am today. I invite you to come along for the journey or join me in strengthening your relationship with God if you are so inclined. A word to the wise, I am no biblical scholar. Please don't think I am, cause I'm not, which I'm sure will be obvious. I do not have all the answers. And half the time, I'm not even sure I'm interpreting the Bible correctly, cause let's just face it. Sometimes it's hard to understand. 

I'm doing what works for me. And it may not work for everybody. It may not work for anybody, but I'm doing what's going to work for me. Feel free to give constructive feedback and words of wisdom. You know, I'm all for that. In fact, I would appreciate it. You know if I'm wrong about something, you know, let it be known. But you know, just do me a favor and do not under any circumstances, come at me telling me that I should be doing X, Y, Z, or saying X, Y, Z, because I'm not doing it how you would do it and I'm not doing what's pleasing to God and you know, blah, blah, blah.

Cause let me tell you, I'm not as holy as you are yet. And I may or may not go all the way off on you. So, choose your words wisely <Laugh> okay. Let's everybody just be kind. 

Okay, so let's get this going. I have chosen to begin my first podcast starting with forgiveness. It'll probably be a short series of forgiveness because you know, forgiveness doesn't always come easy to me. And it's going to take a minute. I will talk about what I found in the bible on forgiveness, what my plan of action will be for each week and what the outcomes were. I'm like really excited. And I am sure that forgiving will be lit, said no one never <Laugh>. 

So, when I began this process, I started off with prayer. And I needed to start off with prayer because you know, like I said, sometimes I read the Bible and I just can't focus. I lose interest, you know, I fall asleep, you know, it is just, it's been something <Laugh>. 

So, I started off with prayer and then I looked up the word forgiveness in the dictionary. And just so we're clear, it is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven, pretty self-explanatory. Then I looked up the Greek meaning of forgiveness. Yeah, It's the same thing. After that, I looked up all things forgiveness in the concordance of my Bible, trying to answer my questions. 

So, we will start with question one that I have, and it's why should I forgive? Please note that when I read out, I will be reading from the new king James version because it's a little easier to understand. But when I did this, I was reading from a different version and yeah, I had to do some studying. So here we go. 

So why should I forgive? Mark 11,25 and 26 says, and whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your father in heaven forgive your trespasses. Okay, So God says that in order for us to be forgiven, we must forgive. I can live with that. 

Psalm 78, 38 and 39. But he is being full of compassion, forgave their inequity and did not destroy them. Yes, many a time he turned his anger away and did not stir up all his wrath. For he remembered that they were but flesh, a breath that passes away and does not come again. <laugh> 

So, this one kind of blew my mind when I understood what I think it means. And remember I was reading from a different Bible. So it was a little more felt, like it was a little more complicated than what I just read. But this one kind of blew my mind. Cause I think in saying that God forgives us over and over. Cause he knows we ain't. He knows we ain't nothing. He knows, we are sorry. We are just a bunch of sorry sad people. But he will continue to be patient forgiving with us, and we need to strive to be like, God. Okay, well, there you go. 

Next question. Do I actually have to the other person that I forgive them or just forgive them in my heart and how many times am I required to actually forgive the same person? So, okay, I don't know. Let's see. Matthew 18, 15 and 20. All I can do is go into the scripture. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go, and tell him about his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established. 

And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Assuredly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. And whatever you lose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I say to you that if two or three of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my father in heaven, for where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. 

So, I understand this as telling me that I need to go directly to the person and tell them what their offense is, which I'm not going to front. I kind of don't see myself doing that. Cause let's be real. You know, they should know if they hurt you. They should know what, why you're mad at them. They should know that they need to say, they're sorry. You know, they know, you know, if you've done somebody wrong, you know, if you've hurt somebody's feelings, you know. 

 So, I really don't think I'm going to do that. So, what this is saying though is that, you know, we have to go directly to the person. And tell them what their offense is. And you got to try and work it out with the person. And then if they don't listen, take a couple of people with you, you know, to keep everything real. And if they still don't listen, go tell the church, be a snitch. And finally, if they don't listen to the church, let that heathen go. I can live with that. You know, now if I'm wrong about that, please leave a comment, remembering to choose your words wisely. But leave a comment Nonetheless. I can live with that though. 

Matthew 18,21 and 22. Then Peter came to him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times. Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven <laugh> okay, hold up, hold up. What you mean 70 times seven. Is that like a real number or, Cause that's like giving, that's like me forgiving somebody 490 times. And I feel like God is asking me to do the absolute most at this point. And I feel like I’ve already forgiven at least a couple people like 617 times. So, what's up, you know, really how many times do you have to forgive somebody?

I really had to look through this. I had to dig deep for this one. So, you know, I had to think it through and after thinking on it for a while, I figured out that maybe it's God's way of telling me to forgive someone as many times as it takes, wait for it. Cause that's what he does for me. Yeah. <laugh> 

He has forgiven my sorriness more than I care to remember. You know, I’ve got to be on at least my 520th time with God and he still forgives me. I know he does. I guess that's God's grace. That's the case, this is great. But why doesn't this feel like good news to me. I mean, I'm still not feeling forgiving anybody, you know, as many times as it takes. Cause you know, people just do you wrong and why do I need to keep forgiving you for doing me wrong? Or maybe I forgive you and then put you over here so that I don't have to deal with your mess no more. I don't know. So, like I said, I'm not really feeling this whole thing, but I'm going to try because that is what God's word is calling me to do. This should be fine. 

Okay. Next question. Will God get justice from me if I forgive and or should I still want justice If I forgive someone in my heart? Okay. <Laugh> so I’ll admit, I even feel a little out of the line asking this question. Cause in my heart, I know that I shouldn't want to take out revenge on anybody. You know, in my heart I know that God is going to take care of it for me if I give it to him. In my mind, I feel like if I forgive someone, I shouldn't even still have the yearning for payback. 

But my pettiness, that's a different story. You know, I really come a long way, but you know, I got to still work on my pettiness. Cause you know, sometimes God don't give you the revenge I want you to have, which is probably why I'm in this predicament that I'm in now. But anyway, I’ve got to work on this. And we going to see what happens. 

So, I started looking through the Bible about it and I actually found Romans 12, 17 through 19. And that reads, repay no one evil for evil, have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible as much as depends on you live peaceably with all men. Beloved do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath. For it is written, Vengeance is mine. I will repay says the Lord. Be not overcome with evil but overcome evil with good. Yes. God will take care of it. Yes. I'm petty. God petty, God petty. I got to work on it. 

 Okay. Next question Is, does forgiveness bring peace? Well, I don't know, but we going to see, we going to see. I'm going to see what happens this week if I have peace after I figure out how I'm going to forgive some people. So, for my homework this week, I am going to be working on forgiving those people who I feel have wronged me and sadly, my list will begin with God. 

 Yeah, I need to forgive God. I also need to forgive myself for having [22:25 inaudible] God. Ooh, my stomach is already turning. You know, forgiving God will be easy. Forgiving myself, a little more difficult. Forgiving others, Ooh, I don't know. But I have to try and figure out how I must forgive these fools that I feel have wronged me and it's not going to be an easy task. It's probably not going be a pretty task <laugh>. It should be interesting. And we'll see. 

The good news, I’ve prayed and studied his word completely focused and finished this podcast. Look at God, he's already at work with me. You know, I wasn't able to do that before. God is good. So, I’ll let you know how it goes for me, you know, on the next episode. And I hope that you'll try it too and leave comments of how it went for you and how you feel now that you've forgiven some people and forgiven yourself and try and, you know, study the Bible a little bit this week. But yeah, I’ll let you know how it goes on the next episode of, it's the salt for me. Until then, be blessed and be a blessing.

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